These past couple months have all been about revenge and getting even within my social circle: between my friend and her ex, between me and my ex, between my friend and her ex’s new girlfriend/her friend… it goes on and on. It’s human nature to want to make the other person pay for the wrong they have done unto you, and we feel it necessary to take matters into our own hands. After all, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, if we don’t fight for ourselves, who will?

I can’t speak for the rest of the people, because they’re not Christian, but even I seem to have forgotten:

It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.
Deuteronomy 32:35

Instead, I took it into my own hands, and used God’s blessing to me as a tool of revenge. Sure, I didn’t flaunt it right in front of him, but while he was down and upset, I was laughing and celebrating with my friends, calling it “karma kicking him in the ass”. I wanted full revenge, with interest, to the point where I wanted to see him utterly miserable. From my outward actions, one might have thought I was being merciful and compassionate, but God looks at the heart, and what He saw did not please Him.

But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?
Matthew 5:44-46

God punishes those He loves, and I learned my lesson soon after. God gave me a taste of what I had put my ex through, and more, not to hurt me, but to help me grow. Of course there was plenty of complaining and judging involved. I couldn’t understand why someone like my ex, for all the things he has done, not only did he not get his ass kicked by karma, but is now the one rubbing it in my face?

This all made me bitter until I read Exodus 22. Throughout the chapter, God is constantly referred to as “the judge”. Rightfully so, because only God who is without sin can judge us, who are with sin. What sense does it make to have the guilty judge one another? Moreover, we judge based on what we see and feel, without never understanding the entire picture. Yet God sees all that, and more. He sees our hearts. He sees us when we’re alone in our rooms at night. He sees what others can’t, and He is as compassionate as He is just.

Further on in the chapter, verses 22 to 27, God defends the needy and oppressed. He hears those who cry out to Him, because He is compassionate. The needy and poor extend beyond the widows, the orphans, and those with financial problems. I always felt that the truly poor are those who are poor in love. When I think about this, I’m reminded of how blessed I am to have grown up being surrounded with love. Love from my family, love from my friends, and love from God. My ex, on the other hand, wasn’t so blessed. Yet I felt the need to push him to the edge, just to get even for the things he’s done to me. No wonder God punished me instead.

So now, despite all that’s going on and everything hurtful he’s doing, I feel like I can let go and forgive. I let go because I know that God is just and He will deal out a fair judgement in due time, to both him and I. I forgive because God has told me to have compassion on those who aren’t as blessed as I am.  It’s hard, but it’s a lesson I will need to learn, either now, or with more pain later.